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Narcissism
Narcissism is an extreme form of self-centredness. Whilst few people will have the full-blown personality disorder, it is much more common to find people with narcissistic tendencies.

If you find yourself in a relationship with someone with narcissistic tendencies you are likely to end up feeling angry, confused, helpless and hopeless. You may also believe the narcissist's refrain that it is all your fault. However, once you can recognise the syndrome in their behaviour, it becomes possible to separate yourself and to accept that they are highly unlikely to ever change. We can then work on rebuilding your sense of yourself as a separate and valuable human being whose values and desires matter and who has a right to have those heard.

8 Key Features of Narcissism

• Lack of Empathy – other people's emotions just don't matter to them. • Sense of Entitlement – the world owes them special treatment just because of who they are, they don't need to do anything to earn this. Nor do they need to help with menial tasks, that is for others less special to do. • Manipulative - they are master manipulators in pursuit of what they want. Often they are adept at generating fear, guilt, shame and confusion in others. They are clever with words and will “prove” you wrong. They also seem to have no fixed values but will use whatever suits their current purpose. • Extreme Need to Control – they always think they know best and others must follow what they say or suffer the consequences. • Cannot take direction – they are unable to take on the ideas of others or any feedback. In this way they lose the opportunity to change and grow but why would they want to when they're already perfect? • Will not acknowledge reality - they will argue black is white rather than admit they were wrong, there can be no admission of weakness. There is a usually a complete lack of insight into their own condition and so very little possibility of change. • Arrogant and judgemental attitude towards others – they have a very black and white view of the world. They are right and everyone who disagrees with them is wrong. • Charm - they can be extremely charming, especially at the beginning of a relationship or to the outside world. They work hard to maintain this facade and it can often come as a huge surprise to the rest of the world that they were actually brutal to those close to them.

Narcissistic Demands
Narcissists make many demands on those closest to them:

• I know best – do it my way, or I will make you feel bad. • You must remain loyal to me – to the narcissist this actually means blind obedience. • Don't tell anyone about our problems – not discussing their behaviour with others means that they are not held to account; it also isolates their partner from possible support and makes them feel like a phoney too. • It's never my fault – it's you not me! They have to maintain their feelings of superiority. • I'm not supposed to suffer – they are oblivious to the pain they inflict on others but will protest loudly at any discomfort; for them not getting their own way equals pain, like a toddler tantrum. • I am the centre of everything – you have to adjust to me. • Rules don't apply to me – they feel confined by normal rules of behaviour and will not be held to account. They live by internal standards and values which may change day to day to suit their immediate need.

So if you have a narcissistic partner, parent, boss or work colleague, give me a call and let me help you learn how to handle them


Source: "Enough about you, let's talk about me," by Les Carter